If you're a neurodivergent parent, chances are you're no stranger to self-doubt, criticism and the occasional thought that you’re an ‘awful parent’.

Maybe you replay conversations in your head, question your reactions or lie awake assuming you’re ‘the worst parent ever’ or wondering if you’re getting parenting ‘right’.

As neurodivergent people, we tend to hold ourselves to sky-high standards but then blame ourselves when we fall short. It’s an impossible game to win.

But what if there were a different way? What if we chose ‘kindsight’?

What Is Kindsight?

‘Kindsight’ is the practice of viewing ourselves through a lens of kindness and compassion, not criticism. Instead of judging our actions harshly, ‘Kindsight’ invites us to think about our experience and our humanity. It also enables us to reflect on our intentions, our journey and our growth. It means saying, “I was doing my best in that moment, even when things didn’t go the way I hoped”.

Kindsight is also about being able to view our own past through the new lens of neurodivergence, and by doing so, bring a new form of self-compassion. Seeing our journey through a completely new frame can help us lift labels we might have applied to ourselves before we realised we were neurodivergent, and bring insight and understanding.

It means saying, “I was doing my best in that moment, even when things didn’t go the way I hoped”.

For neurodivergent people, kindsight isn’t just helpful, it can offer a fundamental shift in how we think about ourselves, our parenting, relationship with our children or how we manage the day to day.

Why Kindsight Matters for Neurodivergent Parents

Parenting is never easy. For those of us who are neurodivergent, parenting can magnify challenges like emotional dysregulation, sensory overload or struggles with attention, focus and managing everyday tasks. On top of that, you may feel social pressure to parent in ways that don’t ‘fit’ for you or how you brain naturally works or the values you hold on what works for your family.

Parenting may ‘unearth’ previous experiences where we may have been misunderstood or masked our true selves. As we travel the parenting journey, we may connect with previous expectations to ‘just get on with it’ or ‘try harder’. That history and legacy can make us extra critical of ourselves, make it harder to ask for help or make helpful choices, particularly when we’re struggling.

Kindsight offers a way forward. It encourages to pause and think. To reflect on your experience, and your connections with others

Kindsight offers a way forward. It encourages to pause and think. To reflect on your experience, and your connections with others. It offers an opportunity where we can remind ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be present and compassionate with ourselves in the small moments of the day.

Understanding our Child’s Early Days with Kindsight

Neurodivergent parents often have neurodivergent children. Neurodivergent children were once neurodivergent babies. But, we may not have been aware of our own wiring when our child was first born.

Many of us had a hard time with our new baby. Yes, post-partum is difficult for many new parents. But with neurodivergence in the mix it might have been extra tough, especially before we understood what was happening.

Maybe, before we knew our baby was neurodivergent, they showed us that their nervous system was more sensitive. Maybe they were “colicky” & cried a lot. Maybe they didn’t sleep. Maybe they couldn’t tolerate being away from us. Maybe they struggled to feed. Maybe they found it hard to be in spaces that other babies liked. Maybe there were other signs. Maybe you blamed yourself - maybe you still do. But maybe our baby WAS more tricky to look after than other babies. Just as adorable and precious - but more tricky.

Maybe we didn’t understand why we seemed to find things so much harder than others, either. Getting out the house, harder to manage on less sleep, to cope with the crying. Maybe our nervous system was struggling to cope, too. Maybe there were other threads: a difficult fertility journey, pregnancy, or birth. Maybe our baby had a stay in the NICU. Traumas for anyone, but maybe even harder for neurodivergent parents.

We can look back with “kindsight” and compassionately re-write the stories we have of those early days. This past understanding can help us move forward as parents in the here and now.

Practicing Kindsight in our Parenting and Family Relationships

Here are a few ways to bring kindsight into your parenting journey:

Reframe Mistakes as Lessons

Instead of thinking, “I messed up handling that meltdown” try, “I did the best I could with the tools I had. I’m learning more each day and can do differently next time.”

Understand Your Past Journey

One of the most powerful parts of Kindsight is the ability to re-view our own childhood through the lens of neurodiversity, and understand ourselves and our struggles in a new way. Bringing this empathy into our relationship with our child enables us to break intergenerational cycles - and we should give ourselves credit for the impact this awareness brings.

Understand our Child’s Babyhood

Looking back to our child’s first years and seeing that their differences - and ours - really weren’t our fault, and we really didn’t imagine it, can be so healing. That validation, even in retrospect, is essential in us processing our stories.

Celebrate the Small Wins

Managed to leave the house and bring everyone to where they needed to be? Win. Managed a meltdown without losing it completely? That’s a win. Holding space for big emotions in the family, while managing your own? Huge win.

Talk to Yourself Like a Friend

You wouldn’t tell a struggling friend they’re failing. You’d remind them they’re doing enough, even when it’s hard. You deserve that same grace and compassionate voice.

Rest Without Earning It

You don’t need to “finish the list” to deserve rest. You don’t need to reach the point of exhaustion before you take a break. Your brain and your emotions are often working on overtime, even on a ‘down’ day. Rest, relaxation and self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential!

You’re Not Failing. You’re Figuring It Out. One day at a time.

Parenting as a neurodivergent person isn’t about having it all together. It’s a journey of self-awareness, adaptability, curiosity and love. Kindsight doesn’t ignore the hard parts, it just helps you meet them with a more compassionate voice, gentleness and choice.

Parenting as a neurodivergent person isn’t about having it all together. It’s a journey of self-awareness, adaptability, curiosity and love.

The next time you start spiralling into self-criticism, pause and breathe.

Practice kindsight. Ask for help if you need it. You are not alone. You’re doing better than you think no matter where you are on your parenting journey.

Are you a neurodivergent parent? Curious to know more and wish to explore how you can develop ‘kindsight’, self-compassion and understanding of your experiences?

Want to connect with a warm community of other neurodivergent parents who share the journey, the struggles and the wins? Join us in The Neurodivergent Parent Space!

Our online community offers unlimited access to our entire archive of parent webinars (including one all about developing self-compassion), our supportive ‘Tea & Chat’ group space, a library of tailor-made downloadable resources, our premium Parent Emotional Regulation Course, as well as a new live webinar every month on key topics for neurodivergent parents.

We’d love to welcome you into ‘The Space’ - see you there!

Parenting with Kindsight: Changing the narrative for Neurodivergent Parents