If you're a neurodivergent parent, chances are you're no stranger to self-doubt, criticism and the occasional thought that you’re an ‘awful parent’.

Maybe you replay conversations in your head, question your reactions or lie awake assuming you’re ‘the worst parent ever’ or wondering if you’re getting parenting ‘right’. As neurodivergent people, we tend to hold ourselves to sky-high standards but then blame ourselves when we fall short. It’s an impossible game to win.

But what if there were a different way? What if we chose ‘kindsight’?

What Is Kindsight?

‘Kindsight’ is the practice of viewing ourselves through a lens of kindness and compassion, not criticism. Instead of judging our actions harshly, ‘Kindsight’ invites us to think about our experience and our humanity. It also enables us to reflect on our intentions, our journey and our growth. It means saying, “I was doing my best in that moment, even when things didn’t go the way I hoped”.

It means saying, “I was doing my best in that moment, even when things didn’t go the way I hoped”.

For neurodivergent people, kindsight isn’t just helpful, it can offer a fundamental shift in how we think about ourselves, our parenting, relationship with our children or how we manage the day to day.

Why Kindsight Matters for Neurodivergent Parents

Parenting is never easy. For those of us who are neurodivergent, parenting can magnify challenges like emotional dysregulation, sensory overload or struggles with attention, focus and managing everyday tasks. On top of that, you may feel social pressure to parent in ways that don’t ‘fit’ for you or how you brain naturally works or the values you hold on what works for your family.

On top of that, parenting may ‘unearth’ previous experiences where we may have been misunderstood or masked our true selves. As we travel the parenting journey, we may connect with our own stories or previous expectations to ‘just get on with it’ or ‘try harder’. That history and legacy can make us extra critical of ourselves, make it harder to ask for help or make helpful choices, particularly when we’re struggling.

Kindsight offers a way forward. It encourages to pause and think. To reflect on your experience, and your connections with others

Kindsight offers a way forward. It encourages to pause and think. To reflect on your experience, and your connections with others. It offers an opportunity where we can remind ourselves that we don’t have to be perfect. We just have to be present and compassionate with ourselves in the small moments of the day.

Practicing Kindsight in our Parenting and Family Relationships

Here are a few ways to bring kindsight into your parenting journey:

Reframe Mistakes as Lessons

Instead of thinking, “I messed up handling that meltdown” try, “I did the best I could with the tools I had. I’m learning more each day and can do differently next time.”

Celebrate the Small Wins

Managed to leave the house and bring everyone to where they needed to be? Win. Managed a meltdown without losing it completely? That’s a win. Holding space for big emotions in the family, while managing your own? Huge win.

Talk to Yourself Like a Friend

You wouldn’t tell a struggling friend they’re failing. You’d remind them they’re doing enough, even when it’s hard. You deserve that same grace and compassionate voice.

Rest Without Earning It

You don’t need to “finish the list” to deserve rest. You don’t need to reach the point of exhaustion before you take a break. Your brain and your emotions are often working on overtime, even on a ‘down’ day. Rest, relaxation and self-care isn’t selfish, it’s essential!

You’re Not Failing. You’re Figuring It Out. One day at a time.

Parenting as a neurodivergent person isn’t about having it all together. It’s a journey of self-awareness, adaptability, curiosity and love. Kindsight doesn’t ignore the hard parts, it just helps you meet them with a more compassionate voice, gentleness and choice.

Parenting as a neurodivergent person isn’t about having it all together. It’s a journey of self-awareness, adaptability, curiosity and love.

The next time you start spiralling into self-criticism, pause and breathe.

Practice kindsight. Ask for help if you need it. You are not alone. You’re doing better than you think no matter where you are on your parenting journey.

Are you a neurodivergent parent? Curious to know more and wish to explore how you can develop ‘kindsight’, self-compassion and understanding of your experiences? Want to connect with a warm community of other neurodivergent parents who share the journey, the struggles and the wins? Join us in The Neurodivergent Parent Space!

Our online community offers access to our back catalogue of webinars (including one all about developing self-compassion), our supportive ‘Tea & Chat’ group space, a library of tailor-made resources, as well as a new live webinar every month on key topics for neurodivergent parents. We’d love to welcome you into ‘The Space’!

Parenting with Kindsight: Changing the narrative for Neurodivergent Parents